They've also created a website that lays everything out in narrative form, including all the various documents. Click here.
The first thing Danny did was call me. I was eating ramen in Berkeley at the time and I asked him how his meeting with his brother had gone. He stuttered, unable to talk, said some panicky and trivial things about playing chess and eating fruit.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
Laura was saying what a “hero” Johnny was, how brave he was, and what a great demonstration of love it had been for him to disclose to Danny. Danny muttered something into the phone. “Yes, it was... I guess...” Johnny had also made him promise that he would still love him.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
Our therapist wondered about getting the Ortbergs in for a group session. I was down for that in principle, but wanted to speak to John and Nancy first. We spoke with John. He sounded unhinged, like the bad guy at the end of a Columbo episode.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
The next day, Danny got a “desdichado” tattoo with a pentagram. “I need something on my body to make sure I’m not buried in a Christian churchyard.” We spoke with a couple more friends. Their advice began to focus on reporting: how, who, what, where, when.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
On Sunday 17th we flew to New York, since I had a bunch of work events lined up at Princeton, Brown, and the New School. We arrived in NYC late; we determined that the following day we would make our reports, having drafted some letters on the plane.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
We didn’t sleep. Around 2.30am we admitted that fact, and for some reason watched that song from Community “Baby Boomer Santa” over and over. When we were ready, we finalized the letters, and hit send. Only then did we call those friends we had in common with the Ortbergs.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
We arrived in Princeton, 18th Nov. Danny left his backpack on the train. We looped in Meredith Martin, who was hosting me: she was great. I gave a lecture. Jeff Nunokawa was really engaged and generous. A friend of Danny’s came down from NY to hang out while I gave the lecture.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
The next day (Nov. 20th), I gave my lecture at Brown and realized people commuted up to Providence from New York. No longer than the flight from JFK to SFO, I started to think. I wondered whether we needed to move. California did not feel like home, suddenly.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
(Also on the train, one of the mutual friends passed a message to me that Johnny was suicidal and seemed “particularly anxious about the idea of reporting to Menlo.” The friend who was reporting saw that the same way as me: a threat. I did not heed it.)— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
We borrowed a significant sum of money. We still needed creditors for the application so we asked all the fancy people we know and then (rather desperately) asked Twitter. Twitter yielded two guarantors, to whom we owe our current safety and comfort. Thank you to them.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
On 22nd December, we got married. It was so fucking joyful! A celebration of our values and our identities and bodies and aesthetics and commitments. It felt revolutionary. Terry Castle was there looking dope as fuck. No evangelical ministers. Lots of dykes, fags, and trannies.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
We moved into our apartment on the 1st January 2020. We got new stuff and installed the old stuff. It was home but it was wholly new. I started to commute across the country every week. We are at Ugly Baby and/or Frankie’s every time I had to fly.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
I listened to a lot of Lana Del Rey. Danny grieved, and connected with his friends here, and missed his friends there. We started to date other people, together and separately: it felt utopian, world-building, a way of continuing and expanding the free love vibe of the wedding.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
We decided not to name Johnny at first—we really thought the penny was just about to drop and it wouldn’t be necessary. We had no reason, until the 21st January, to believe that Beth Seabolt was anything other than an honest broker. Seeing her shilling for Ortberg was stunning.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
Covid changed the commute; the murder of George Floyd and the powerful embodiment of abolitionist politic made new force. Graham Linehan accused me of “grooming,” which felt especially cruel and stupid given that we had just turned our lives over to prevent grooming.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
Father’s Day came (21st June). Danny was weeping and weeping. He felt responsibility for the cover-up. I assured him that the shame was wholly on the other side. And at the same time I began to wonder (sometimes aloud) whether he wanted to publish his brother’s name.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
But, as we discussed it, we realized that Johnny had himself been part of the conspiracy: he had colluded with John and others. He wasn’t, himself, a child, even if he had been utterly mistreated by his parents and sister. He did not deserve to be treated like one.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
As it happened, the situation with Linehan had led me to do tiny bits of research on defamation law. I established that truth was an absolute defense, so I said to Danny that we had to only publish things that we are certain we could prove. We edited the statement carefully.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
Once more, we didn’t know that people would support us. We thought they wouldn’t, in fact: people tend to flock to the side of the vulnerable straight guy, rather than the loud and dramatic trans people. We did what we thought was right, not what we thought would be popular.— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
It goes without saying that I am so proud of Danny. And, a week out, I am proud of this decision. It is not the only decision we could have made; not everyone who thinks otherwise is on our shit list. But I am proud of this choice that Danny made, and grateful to be useful. 💖💖— Grace Lavery 🐬 (@graceelavery) July 6, 2020
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